a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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