Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
