She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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