I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
