I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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