Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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