My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
