hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
