walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
