she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was confusing and full of hummus
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
