she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
