Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
