That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she looked like the before picture.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
