You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
