you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
