I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
