just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
