I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This baby is an asshole
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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