I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
