can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize