sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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