dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize