omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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