from now on my penis is your penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
