his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
