My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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