Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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