I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
