And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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