As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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