why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
