this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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