i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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