he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
