I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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