The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
