sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
