did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
