Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
