my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
