So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
