She is in my trunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
