Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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