I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
