u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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