This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
