So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
