In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
