"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize