y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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