someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
