You smell like a Billy Joel song
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
