HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
