Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
