Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
