i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
