My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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