whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
