I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
