you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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