I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
