last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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