she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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